Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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