Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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