it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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