So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
