please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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