Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
