I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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