too bad you live with your parents still
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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