hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
