Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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