I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
