Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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