I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
