I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As shirtless as possible
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
