I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
