He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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