He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
