Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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