Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
