Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
