First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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