Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
