just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
