You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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