i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
