Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
