He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
