i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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