omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
