Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
