I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
