Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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