i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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