Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
