my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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