Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
