you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
