According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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