you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
