Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i came on her dog
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
