Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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