..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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