Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
