I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
