Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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