i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
