I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
