I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
