I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
