i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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