i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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