Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You dont lie about slip and slides
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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