But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
